Stumbling Block Number Three:
“I’m not sure what my goals are…”
This is not as uncommon as you might think. Firstly we have no idea what we could achieve until we have done it! We can stop ourselves making the first step because we have always worked and lived in the same way. Sometimes the negative ‘voice’ from our childhood stops us in our tracks. We watch other people achieving success and we think they are different to us. The truth is they are not different, we all have the ability to achieve our goals. Banishing those negative, unhelpful ways of thinking that hamper us are the first steps to a happier and more contented life.
In addition to this I will introduce you to the use of hypnosis as a tool to help maximise your efforts. Learning how to use focused relaxation and real positive suggestion, you can acquire the skills how to re-programme your thinking and challenge the obstacles which have previously prevented you from succeeding.
Stumbling Block Number One:
Imagine a child filling up a water balloon. Slowly the water begins to fill up and the rubber stretches to accommodate the increasing amount of water. It does a good job - more and more water is filled into the balloon and it gets bigger and bigger. Imagine the child keeps going…imagine that the water gets closer to the top of the ballon and the rubber is stretched and at breaking point. What’s going to happen? It’s going to burst and the kid is going to get wet!
It’s okay to have negative thoughts, life is no fairytale.
They are your thoughts so, no matter how difficult, you can challenge and change them.
Coaching provides you with a sounding board to discuss, organise and activate different ways of achieving the success you desire. Working together we identify the most useful and effective ways for you to take the steps towards achieving your goals. We can also work on clarifying what you would like your future to look like. Through a supportive and personalised approach we work together to put in place the necessary elements that will help you to focus on your success.
Can you really afford to not invest in the skills to manage the job strain? You could always wait until you have burnout - then you would have loads of time! It can be achieved progressively over-time as part of you working diary - it doesn’t haven’t have to be an ‘instead of’ thing. Coaching support does not have to be a week-by-week appointment either, the key is to consistency over a period of time. A couple of times a month can be enough to make a difference.
By reducing the level of inner pressure the person has ‘more room’ to deal the demands of the job. They are not at the point where they cannot cope - but rather they are in a better position to deal with it. They will of course still find the demands of the job stressful - but will be better placed to manage that pressure.
Some goals will be the same as you have worked on before, but we will also be looking at different ways of achieving them.
Positivity is important when it grounds us in reality. Positivity has to be grounded in reality if it is to begin to change negative thinking. No amount of thinking positively is going to help someone run a marathon this afternoon, but using it to support a training programme is very likely to help them maintain confidence in their ability to complete their goal.
Is this a really useful way to thinkright now?
It may be the perfect way to think about the situation in a different context, but right now?
Will I care about this by the weekend? It may seem hugely important now, but will it matter so much later?
Does the situation justify this level of negative emotion?
Perhaps you are feeling negative about something else? Is just the pressure valve for that?
Improving our career by changing our job or going for a promotion, being fitter and healthier, overcoming that fear or anxiety which seems to hamper our progress, are just some examples of the things we may have as goals. Our busy lives mean that we have little time to think about it. The most common time that we give serious thought to our goals is when we are stressed and looking for a way out. The problem is, of course, that often we don't’ know how to make the change happen, or it feels such a ambitious task that it seems unachievable.
Stumbling Block Number Two:
Imagine if you job required you to conceal your true emotions and have to put a ‘brave face on’ while dealing with difficult circumstances. Imagine if maintaining that concealment determined your wages, your success at a performance review.
Combining the two approaches (coaching and hypnosis) gives you the understanding of how you can alter unwanted behaviours giving you the freedom to become the person you want to be.
“One day my numbers will come up…” Like a lottery we assume that things will work out in the long run. The success we desire is put to one side and often we convince ourselves that we are being positive by pushing on with life, in the hope that one day we will magically achieve our goals. By following this route, we are sacrificing the freedom to be in control of our lives by taking positive action and achieving the results we desire.
“My boss/family keep telling me I should…”
Our goals should be our own. Given the opportunity there is a long list of people around us who will tell us the things we should be doing, and the goals we should be aiming for. Although well-meaning, the advice fails to make a difference because they are their goals and not ours. People can find it difficult to achieve success because they are not committed to what they want and spend time working to achieve success for others. Ask yourself: forgetting everything else - what do you want? What would make you happier?
Imagine the situation… you receive a Christmas gift from your aunt and you really don’t like it. Of course you don’t want to hurt her feelings so you ‘put on a brave face about it’. You smile and get on with the day. You have to maintain it all day…but it’s okay, it’s only one day.
Hypnosis is not a magical or mystical thing. It is most usefully described as focused relaxation that helps you become more aware and allows you to suggest different ways of behaving which enhance your efforts as you work towards your goals.
An initial consultation allows us both to establish how coaching will be of benefit to you and set a plan tailor made to your goals and begin on your way to success.
In day to day circumstances, when we catch ourselves thinking negatively it would be useful to consider three things:
Is there something you’ve been thinking
about doing but have yet to start or complete?
In my experience, people often under perform because there is a conflict between their desires and their belief in their own abilities. The task of making changes to improve our lives appears scary and sometimes a complex process that we put off sticking with the status quo. Staying with what we know and not upsetting the ‘apple cart’ is perhaps the first obstacle to people achieving their goals.
Put simply - the built up stresses overtime, which include personal and professional pressures, create a inner stress that is building in momentum until the potential for burnout is greatly increased when the hassles of life increase.
If you stopped for a moment and asked yourself how would you like your life to be different and what changes you wish you could make, most of us would dip into our psychological wish list. The list of goals and aspirations that we know would help us feel happier, more content and fulfilled, is something we carry around with us most of the time but for one reason and another we struggle to make them a reality.
There must be few things that are of as little use as the advice to ‘just think positive’; and this is coming from a therapist! It is the ‘just’ part of that advice that bothers me the most. If turning negativing thinking and attributions was a simple as just thinking positively, wouldn’t everyone do that?
Compare the cost of someone being signed off from work and the ensuing costs to the company, alongside the eventual cost to the individual, and the investment of a coaching and support programme that helps prevent that happening. The cost of a programme that is similar to that of corporate CPD training is far lower than that of financial overhead of a unwell employee.
“I have so much to do, my goals will have to wait…”
We are all guilty of taking on too much at one time or another in our lives. While in the short term this can be stressful, the pressure lifts and we are able to refocus on what we need to do for ourselves. Stop and ask yourself: why am I taking on so much? Do I find it difficult to say no? Sometimes we blunder through a busy schedule because we are unsure of what we could achieve.
“I would like to make those changes, but I have family/work commitments which have to come first…”
Of course our family commitments are important, but we must be careful that we do not put ourselves last. Consider the airline rule that says during an emergency, to ensure a child’s best chance of survival, parents are instructed to put the oxygen mask on themselves first before placing one on their child. How will those important to you benefit when you are healthy, wealthy and happy?
Correct - the job cannot change, but the person can. The way they manage the demands of that job can. The job demands don’t just happen to us and we are passive recipients - we respond to the demands and how we do is dictated by the individual level of pressure we are currently holding on to.
The act of managing feelings and how you express them to cope with the demands of the current circumstances. This is particularly problematic if a person’s true feelings are having to be suppressed.
You cannot change the pressure of the job. The demands of the job are not going to change.
“I’m too old for all that now…”
The saying that you are never too old is one we could all remind ourselves of from time to time. Age is not a barrier to our success, if anything it makes it easier as now you have life experience to use as a reference to inform the steps along the way to achieving your goals.
Strangely a very similar thing is occurring with the person who is facing burn-out at work. A build up of pressure, quite often over a long period of time, until something has to give. There has to be a release to the built up pressure - and their mind uses a pressure value to deal with it: the stress symptoms.
Isn’t it going to be expensive? Money is tight in any organisation - should we really be spending money on this?
I don’t have the time to do that - spending time managing stress takes me away from the job and means I’m more stressed trying to catch up later.
Initial Kickstart Coaching Programme
Usually Four Sessions £55 (per session) or £200 when paid in advance
On-Going Coaching Sessions
£55 (per session)